ˈpāSHəns/

I guess I couldn't go a full year without posting...  so here I am.  This post is going to be purposefully vague, but I feel like I want to write it somewhere... just to get it out there.  Gotta get some things off my mind, I guess.

This post is going to be about patience.  Life has provided me with numerous opportunities to practice patience.  I've thought about it a lot over the years.  Usually I think about it when I see someone else demonstrating extreme impatience, and it makes me start reflecting about myself.  "Just how patient AM I?  Really?"

I've always considered myself a patient person... but I feel patience can be manifest in many different ways.  Maybe I should start by sounding all official and giving the definition of it.  I'm gonna give Google's definition, but I'm also going to add in the examples that Merriam-Webster gives for the word.  First, The Google definition (I'm also apparently bad at writing blog posts because the formatting is all weird, but..  just deal with it):

pa·tience

ˈpāSHəns/

noun

1. 1.

   the capacity to accept or tolerate delay, trouble, or suffering without getting angry or upset.

Okay, so that's pretty straight-forward. Plus, we all really know what patience is anyway, right? So following are the examples that Merriam-Webster gave for the word:

1. I don't have the patience to wait in line for hours just to buy a ticket.
2. Investors need to have patience. The economy will improve soon.
3. She treated her students with great patience and humor.
4. I don't have the patience to do crossword puzzles.
5. To be a biographer is a somewhat peculiar endeavor. It seems to me it requires not only the tact, patience, and thoroughness of a scholar but also the stamina of a horse. —Nancy Milford, Vanity Fair, August 2001

Alright. So here we go, to the meat and potatoes of this post. I'm gonna largely ignore the 4th and 5th examples because I don't really have anything to say about them. So here goes.

The first one seems to deal with patience when you have some idea of when the outcome will happen. In the case of standing in line to buy a ticket, you know when you'll need to stop waiting; when the line in front of you ends. Often you can see the progress of the events occurring as well. The line shortens, and once the line in front of you is gone, you receive your reward. I've always felt like this is the kind of patience I have the most of. I can wait around for awhile, especially if I have some rough idea of when I'll get my reward, whether it's the end of a line, a scheduled time, etc. This example of patience really hasn't proven to be difficult to me. For this reason I've always considered myself a patient person.

Don't get lost, now, I'm going to jump to the THIRD example, for good reason. This one seems to deal with the patience when dealing with others. In this example, probably children. This is one I've always struggled with, but I'm not gonna really elaborate a ton on it. I've never been super great with kids. I always want them to do what I tell them to, when I tell them to. Obviously, that doesn't happen.. and I struggle. Maybe it'll be different with my own kids, but for now it's hard for me. Okay, enough about that.

The SECOND example. This one seems to deal with needing patience when you CAN'T see when the outcome will occur. This one is the WORST for me!! Especially if it's something I'm really excited for or anxious about.

This is what I'm going through right now.  Like I said in the beginning of the post, it will be purposefully vague, so I guess you'll just have to come up with your own conclusion as to what it's truly about.  Some of you reading this may already know.  Anyway, something happened.  It could potentially be good, or potentially be bad for me.  I can't yet tell.  But I know which outcome I WANT, and unfortunately all I can do is wait.  And wait.  And wait.  And what's worse, is not only am I hoping for an outcome I want (which may or may not even happen), even if it does, I still can't be sure WHEN it will happen.  It's a double whammy!  I can do some things to take my mind off it for little bits at a time, but that only works for so long... and before long, I'm back to thinking about the issue at hand.  And what's worse, it seems that time is going by SO slowly, which certainly doesn't help!  So I'm stuck in this "agony" of just being forced to wait...  I think about it every day.  Multiple times every day.  I'm happy to say it doesn't really affect my ability to act and do things..  it's not a depression per se..  I'm still as active as ever.  I run errands, I go to work, I'm as social as ever (which is hilariously not that social).

But there's this nagging in the back of my mind.  Always.  Be patient, be patient, be patient.  It's like ripping a giant band-aid off your crotch....  slooooooowwwllllyyyyyyyy...  it has its own pain associated with it.  And it's driving me so crazy!  HOWEVER, I do know for sure, that if the outcome I really want is the one that comes to fruition..  the wait will have truly been worth it.

Another update (long)

So, I started writing this post without really knowing why.  But it's been several months, so I guess if I sit down and just start writing, I'll think of interesting stuff to write.  Either that, or I'll just ramble on and on and on.  Either way, let's hope you're not too bored.

So let's see, where did I leave off last?  I actually had to open a new tab and go to my blog to see what I had written about last time...  Oh wow, the job interviews, heh.  Okay... well, none of those interviews panned out.  I was really disappointed about one of them because they seemed like a great company to work for.  I did all the work they required before the job interview, but every time I called the guy I could either 1) never get hold of him, or 2) leave him a voicemail, and then he would never call me back.  So I was really not impressed by the hiring manager's performance and decided to just leave them in the dust.  So the job search continued, and my dad had mentioned that UPS was hiring seasonal driver helpers, so I figured I might as well apply for that so I have SOMETHING while I look for another job.  So I went to the website, applied, then it was like "okay you're meeting with an HR rep tomorrow" ...  uhhh okay.  So I went the next morning like they wanted me to.  There were 2 other guys there for the same position, but we still went through the orientation/interview process.  The lady asked me if I was in school, when I replied yes, she said that can sometimes make a driver helper position difficult because I need to be available between the hours of X and Y.  So when I told her that it probably didn't seem like a good fit, she then said something along the lines of "Hm, I wonder if there's an opening for a package handler.." so she started doing some quick research and discovered that there was, in fact, an opening.  So right then and there she hired me.

So I landed a job that wasn't seasonal, and I was actually pretty happy about that.  Fast forward nearly 3 months, and the job is awful.  Well, let me clarify: the job ITSELF isn't awful, but the pay is awful (I like to use the word "insulting") and the hours are awful.  Let me tell you a little bit about what I do.  I work the night shift (roughly from 5pm-10pm with some fluctuation), and I load the semi trailers that travel all over the country.  I'm assigned primarily to the trailer that makes a trip to Denver, CO, but I also help load several of the other trailers when the need arises.  You might not need to be told, but it's highly physical; AKA not something my body is used to.  My first day was the Monday after the Thanksgiving 4-day weekend.  In other words, shipping HELL.  The lady told me that I would probably only be working 3 hours that night since I had already been paid for the 2 hours I spent that morning doing orientation, meaning that I would probably only be there from about 5-8pm.  That sounded okay to me, but that's not at all what happened.  I was there until 12:30am.  So I pulled roughly 9.5 hours on my first day, lifting boxes with only a measly 10-minute break halfway through the night.  Needless to say my body was NOT happy with me, and I spent literally the next 2 months being sore every.  single.  day.  My body seemingly couldn't recooperate.

Now, that sounds bad.  And honestly, it was hard.  But being that my body was not at all used to that kind of activity (read: punishment) meant that I started to pretty much melt away.  I've been there just barely under 3 months, and at last weigh-in I have lost 16 pounds.  My arms are also starting to look pretty sexy too ;).  Along with the physical perks of having such a physically-demanding job, there are also benefits.  Unfortunately, those only start after 1 year (full medical, dental, eye, and prescription benefits), but having those sorts of benefits for only a part-time job is pretty cool... sadly I don't have them yet.

I'm still keeping my eyes out for something better, or perhaps another part-time job I could do during the day, because like I mentioned, the pay is really really awful and I'm having trouble even paying my various payments with my meager income.... but at least it's something, and I've slimmed down quite a lot.

Okay, enough about my job.. what else.  Um, I mentioned a couple posts ago that I was dating someone.  Yes, that's still going.. we're just about to hit our 5-month mark, and things are going overall really great.  She's very supportive of my decision to continue working at my lousy(pay) job, even though it's hard on our schedules since she works during the day and I work at night.  She's also very supportive of the fact that I have no idea what I even want to study in school, and currently have basically no desire to go to school at all.

Speaking of school, I'm currently on a bit of a hiatus.  I took a leave of absence from the university citing financial reasons (which is half true and half not).  I have always paid for my own schooling out of my own pocket, and with this job that's quite simply not an option, but also it's due to the fact that I'm just burned out studying something I really don't love.  So as a result, I basically hate shool.  I suppose I probably wouldn't hate school if I were studying something I enjoyed... I just haven't figured out what that is yet.

If you're still reading this, kudos to you.  I sat down not knowing what I'd write about, and look, 8 paragraphs later I'm acknowleding that fact.  So that means you either want to know about my life and what I've been up to, or you're desperate to read something and you figure Phil's blog would be the best thing... and I'm sorry to say you've probably been let down.  :)  But I think that's pretty much it for now..  I know it was a long post.  Oh, here, I'll include a tl;dr for the faint-of-heart ("tl;dr" is an internet term that stands for "Too Long; Didn't Read" and is meant to quickly sum up the contents of a post so not much reading is required) who just want to hear the highlights.  Typically the tl;dr is emphasized at the end of a post, so I'll end in just that fashion.  Thanks for reading, and if you did, leave a comment if you would so I know that at least SOMEONE is actually reading my blog.

tl;dr -- I got a job since the last post.  It's not a great job, it's only part-time, but it's something.  Due to it, I have lost ~16 pounds in a little under 3 months.  Brittany and I are still dating and things are going great.  I'm not taking classes this semester, and will hopefully find a way to start back up soon and finish a degree.

Job Interviews

So I guess I have another update.  Whoah, two in one quarter?  Yeah, both my readers are so lucky.  Seriously.

So if you look down 2 posts, you'll see my post about quitting my job.  Since then, I have been jobless, and only pretty recently, moneyless.  My nest egg has run out and it's really time I should get a job.  Here's the thing, though, I've been applying for jobs during this ~3 month break, and nothing has come from it.  Until this week.

I got a call from one company, I put in an application there like 2 months ago and they are just now calling me about it.. so I had an interview today, and I felt like it went pretty well.  I was the first out of "a few" people they were going to interview, so I still don't know the final word on that one.  Also yesterday I had a phone interview with another company I applied for, and will probably go in for a personal interview later this week or early next week (fingers crossed), and I also received an email from a friend who mentioned a friend of hers was looking for someone to work for them, and they only worked through referrals.

So in a matter of 1 week I get 3 potential jobs, when for the past 3 months I've heard nothing.  I can't help but wonder why this happens..  maybe it's supposed to be some grand lesson about how I need to be more decisive..  In any case, the hope is that I will have a job soon and no longer be moneyless.  Depending on which job I land, too, I might even be able to afford to move out of my parent's house.  I know, right, how pathetic am I?  Well, I really appreciate the free rent while I'm going to school, I hope my parents know that...  but there ought to be a point where I should leave, dontcha think?

Yeah, me too.

Jobless But Not Girlfriendless

So it's been a few months huh?  Hm.  Well, I guess I have a few updates that some of you might find .... readable?

Since quitting my job, I still haven't found another.  I've applied to several places, but no luck.  I'm starting to see the "error of my ways," I really probably shouldn't have quit without another job lined up.  It was nice to be jobless for a couple months, but now I'm really needing another one...  in the meantime, I'm taking a couple classes at school, neither of which I'm really quite sure why I'm taking other than working toward the degree.  I have been learning a few things in them though so I suppose it's not all a waste?  But in hindsight I really don't think I should have taken classes this semester without a job..  I really could have used that money.  Oh well, too late to do anything about it now. =/

I met a cute girl after a ward activity a little over a month ago.  Rather, I should say she met me.  After the activity I was sitting on the sideline while a group of people were playing basketball and she came up to me and asked "Can I meet you?"  Haha.  She was new to the ward, so was trying to get to know the people, which is good.  Or at least that's what I thought.  Come to find out later she actually wanted to meet me.  There's even more to that story and maybe I'll share that some other time.  Anyway, we had a decently long conversation, probably around an hour and a half or so, before parting ways.  After seeing her a couple of other times at activities and watching a movie together, I decided I wanted to ask her on a date.  So we went on our first date, had a good time (well I guess I can't speak for her... but I did!), and over the next month or so began to spend more and more time together.  We decided to make our relationship official (can't make it Facebook official since I don't have one :P) on 9/24.  So yeah, it hasn't really been all that long, but I've really enjoyed spending time with her.  The other day we went for a walk on the river trail (east side) and ended up near one of the few sets of train tracks.  Just as I was thinking "Hmm, I kinda wanna go up there.." (because they're above the trail), she asked if I wanted to go up to the train tracks.  That was pretty awesome, honestly.

So while we were up there, we decided to take some pictures, cause we really didn't have very many of us, and I personally didn't have any at all, so we decided to take a few on the tracks.  Here's my personal favorite:

Yeah, I know you can't really see her very well.  This is the only one I have uploaded so far from my phone, so I'll probably post a couple more when I get around to it.  But this was by far my favorite.  She's super cute and it's refreshing to date someone again after roughly two and a half years of un-intentional "celibacy."

So yeah..  I guess that's it for my... quarterly (?) update.

All Done

So I had my last day at work today.  Put in my 2 weeks notice... well, 2 weeks ago.  I had been working there for about the past 4 years and 10 months, and it had been a good job up until January of this year.  I don't know the innerworkings of the decisions, since I'm not family, but essentially the company split into 3 smaller companies, my guess is so that the owner could pass it on to his kids.  Like I said, I don't know all the reasons for the business decisions, but whatever it was... it didn't work too well.  Since January it's basically all been going downhill.  Each individual company, it seems, didn't have the revenue needed to keep them afloat.  Things were kinda bad but I didn't really consider leaving too much up until it was announced that my boss (whom I liked) was going to be leaving the company for a new job.

It was then that the slightly negative decline fell off the proverbial cliff.

So to compensate for the failing companies, the company I worked for was going to be absorbed into another one (that wasn't doing quite so bad), which put me under a new boss.... who I really didn't like.  The new boss made it feel like a prison..  we had to sign some employee conduct agreement that basically said we couldn't do anything but work.  No cell phone usage, no streaming music online ("because we need to save bandwidth" pfft), among other things.  Now, dont get me wrong, I understand a boss who wants their employees to make the best of their time while on the clock, but there's gotta be a limit to how much you can make your place of employment feel like a prison.  So there was that, and there was also the fact that I knew what they were going to put me in charge of if I stayed there, and I really just didn't want to do that.  And because of the money issues our paychecks were being delayed by 2-3 more days than they ever were before, and I felt like I should probably quit while they could still afford to pay me.

So today was the last day, and I gotta tell ya...  it feels weird.  I mean, I've been there for so long it's gonna be weird waking up tomorrow and not having a job to go to.  Not only that, I kinda left them high and dry.  Upon leaving for the day, I took a picture of the work they've already fallen behind on since they've put other people in charge of my job, which is about 2 days worth.  It makes me feel kinda bad, but also not too much at the same time.  The owner was notorious for accusing me of doing nothing but being on my cell phone or other websites all day...  I hope now they realize just how much work I had been doing and how much they took me for granted.

That does seem kinda crappy of me to say, but hey...  again, my dislike for the place and for my boss sorta prevents me from feeling bad.

So there's an update for you. :)

Mia

So I think I've finally decided on a name for my motorcycle.. yeah, only took a year. That's not so bad.... right? I decided that it's gonna be Mia. Anyway, so a couple of weeks ago I finally had the opportunity (read: it was warm enough) to put on my rim tape on my wheels. It's a red tape to match the bike, and it's also reflective which you can see in 2 of these pictures when the flash went off on my camera. I still need to see if my sister will do a photoshoot with me and Mia together, but I haven't officially asked her yet ;) So I just did these all amateur-like with my own camera. I know I've been promising pictures for awhile, and finally I felt like she was pretty enough to take some. Enjoy!

In case you don't remember my last (and first) motorcycle "Balinha," here's a picture of her so you can see the difference between the two pretty clearly:

So what's it like to actually have something to write about? Okay, well, part of the reason why I haven't updated was because a month ago I bought a new computer, and I haven't yet bothered to set all of the bookmarks I used to have on my other computer, so I haven't even checked my (and other's) blogs or anything.. so that pretty much explains the last month. But the 2 months before that? Eh. Really, if anything amazing happened, I'd probably let you know about it. Things have happened, I just don't know that I would classify them as amazing.

I opted to not take any classes this semester at school, for various reasons. In no particular order: 1) To work full time and save up money to get me a head start on the next couple of semesters 2) because I have no idea what I even want to study so I want to take some time to figure it out 3) because I seriously procrastinated registration so I couldn't even get into the classes I needed/wanted anyway without dealing with that whole waiting list garbage.

Turns out it was a good thing I didn't have any classes this semester, I think. In January, the company I work for went through some major changes, essentially they split into 3 smaller companies, and suddenly I found myself moving to a new location and being the one put in charge of an entire warehouse worth of inventory. It was a pretty tall order. For several weeks, from the moment I clocked in (8am) to the moment I clocked out (5pm) I was so busy I couldn't even think straight. The good part is, the time flew by those days, but it came with a price: my sanity. I was going pretty crazy and even once was so frustrated with all of my new responsibilities, and having to take care of them in a brand new system with a steep learning curve, I considered quitting. I didn't, thank goodness. I can only imagine what a terrible mess I would have been if I had to juggle those new responsibilities and a school schedule. I'm really glad I didn't take any classes this semester.

But now that my job has calmed down quite a bit, I'm beginning to see just how much free time I have at work... it actually kind of sucks. Even still there are things for me to do in the slower times (mostly cataloging parts of the inventory (yeah that's still not done yet)), but when that stuff is done, I'm really gonna be short on things to do. This is a good thing for when school starts up again, because it will mean my schedule will be more flexibile for taking classes, and hopefully I'll be able to take more classes per semester and get done sooner. Whenever I find out what I want to study...

Okay, so maybe saying that there hasn't been much to talk about in the past few months was sort of a lie. Actually, there was only really 1 thing to talk about, I just dragged it on for a few paragraphs.. I guess I tend to do that. Whoops. I think I just really like typing in general. If I could get a job where all I did was type all day.. that might suit me just fine. Well... maybe not, but I still do enjoy typing (keep in mind this is different than writing).

Um. Well, it's midnight, so I guess I'll end this here. Sorry for the long time distance between updates. Usually this is where I promise that I'll update more often, but when I promise that it usually doesn't happen so.......... don't hold your breath. :)